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January 10th, 2008
02:10 am - safe for the moment.
today is now january tenth, and for most of the last 24 hours of my life it was january 9th... a year since my eyes broke. it didn't depress me or change my day, i just remembered it.
i woke at 2:30 with a headache from last night's hookah bar time, and i did what i never got to do when i renewed my liscense last year. i registered to vote.
on the way back i heard handshake drugs in liz's car, the song i crashed to when i was coming back from renewing my liscense, completely by accident.
sometimes, i really think there is such a thing as supernatural, but only a little.
me and danielle made tea.
pink leaves tomorrow. i spent tonight with her. we drove to bellingham. i don't know. bellingham makes me feel alive sometimes. we spent the rest getting zeke to like me. we walked to kim's house because we miss walking everywhere. and i miss things about high school, and i just wish high school worked out different. but everyone does.
i'm taking on cambridge tomorrow!
i kind of want to go back to school.
Current Music: lcd soundsystem
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December 18th, 2007
01:13 am - i need to articulate a little better
HE has been on my mind.
i don't know why people who have made real impacts on my life don't eat away at me like this.
i had a boyfriend for two years and i don't feel this when he's running across my mind.
i just feel like someone's stabbing me, or poking at least at my vital organs.
i feel like shit, and it comes and goes.
and i really want it to go, forever, or i want some form of fulfillment, because that's all it is, is a dream.
Current Music: charlotte sometimes
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November 22nd, 2007
11:27 pm
it is thanksgiving day, 2007.
last night i wandered providence in zach's pumpkin costume made for 4-6 year olds eating crepes
my concerns right now are drawing. drawing. drawing for my drawing class, and reading and writing. i think thats all i want to do with my life professionally is draw and read and write. it sounds like a good idea.
i just watched all these baby videos of myself. i was boring.
Current Music: fiery furnaces
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October 9th, 2007
09:03 pm - what i have seen live
Arcade Fire
LCD Soundsystem
Blonde Redhead
The Blow
Parliament / Funkadelic
Modest Mouse
Guster
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Wilco
Sonic Youth
Regina Spektor
Death Cab for Cutie
Stars
Ben Folds
John Fogarty
Willie Nelson
Zox
Dresden Dolls
The Wailers
Brand New
Green Day
New Found Glory
Sugarcult
Hot Hot Heat
The Bravery
Story of the Year
The Used
Flogging Molly
...i know theres more. this list just feels like a little nice way to organize my life.
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January 21st, 2007
11:17 pm
my new years was nice, i wandered the streets of boston till 8 am and smoked a 20 dollar cigar.
i stayed up really late playing guess who, drunk, and i woke up the next morning and then this happened.
the highlight of my last two weeks is that i got into a really bad car accident.
it actually wasn't really bad. tyler rear ended somebody, i was the passenger, and airbags deployed. i was leaning over, his car is a '94 altima and
that
makes
bad
eye
injuries.
so i got a ride in the rescue, police report says broken bones, there were none, they cut off my clothes ( i also asked whoever was cutting my clothes if they could cut them in a way so that i could sew them back together... they said they hadn't heard that one yet ) and my eyes were swollen shut and bleeding and i was told i looked like a japanese baby.
maria said she wants pictures, and i am NOT offended in the least bit.
i just wish i could leave my house more often, DRIVE, go back to school like normal, smoke and drink within the next 2 months without worrying about bursting blood vessels and going blind, and be at wheaton tuesday night.
i go into depressing fits, and i DONT WANT to have a surgery that requires me laying in a massage bed for 4 weeks. sitting up an hour a day.
i couldnt stand it. and i cry when i think about it.
theres fluid in my retina
i used to have what felt like better than 20/20 vision.
and i never will.
ever.
and glasses dont fix it.
and i'm a little depressed, angry, and edgy lately.
i spent a week completely blind, i couldn't even get to the toilet by myself
and a few days under recreational morphine, i was sick as fuckkk
i don't know what else.
i keep thinking of the oddest people
that aren't odd at all
but i think this will be a time
this winter break, i mean
that i'll feel
forever
because
i don't know
songs remind me
"i guess that this must be the place"
boston post road
i'll miss my eyesight, and full families.
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December 28th, 2006
08:51 pm - i realize i don't use this very much
it's winter break.
i keep having lots of thoughts and suchhh.
at the moment i just found out someone has a few days to live and its a little bit shaking.
but otherwise, there's been lots happening.
i had an insane night err... tuesday? and it's all on tape. :)
and it was christmas, i just got money. but a lot of it?
and
i want to go bowling
and
i work at gallery z, and target.
home is a lot more boring than school.
Current Location: cumberland
Current Music: sufjan stevens
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September 25th, 2006
11:04 pm
i feel extremely busy.
but ive been having fun.
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September 11th, 2006
September 10th, 2006
04:17 pm - exploding weewees.
no one's gonna drag you up, to get into the life where you belong.
then our skin gets thicker, livin' out in the snow...
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August 29th, 2006
07:26 pm - hi
im in college.
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August 22nd, 2006
02:33 am
so like. im going to college in 3 days without knowing anyone.
i'll take things in little steps. i just got my 90 dollar ipod today, and i can't wait for my macbook. and i'm excited to buy clothes tomorrow.
i had spaghettios for the first time, but they were ABC's and 123's... which seems a bit confusing for younger children.
it was okay i guess. me and ty made grape koolaid with powdered sugar.
i don't know how i feel about him. like maybe it'll be good. we can leave for a bit. i can visit him in vermont. i don't know.
i think i need to breathe from my unworldly suffocated world.
and nothing is ever as bad or as good as you think.
i'm perfectly neutral...
Current Music: under-wat-er<3
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July 25th, 2006
09:45 pm
i don't really know what i feel like. i feel excited and happy and full of life and all but. i also feel really trapped.
for emotional and people reasons, but my car breaking down and trapping me in cumberland didn't help :(
so now i'm writing an essay, that i have no idea how to write, because i've gone to cumberland public schools my whole life, and i only know how to write for that.
i got my roommate assignment today. im in meadows north 410, and my roomie is annie schneider of newtown connecticut. makes me excited a little.
i feel kinda like im suffocating. i wish i could start over right now, i miss so many things. or just freak out and go crazy for a while.
hope for excitement tomorrow. crazy car rides or something. always do some good.
Current Location: cumberland
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July 15th, 2006
02:27 am
umm
i dont know i like this summer its exciting (very) yet productive, so i don't feel gross.
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June 28th, 2006
12:37 am
my chunky lady bumps
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June 1st, 2006
10:26 pm
if you were my army
then i would command
an attack on holy land
applebees, home run derby, and helicopters in pools...
so much nothing happens in summer.
and i dont feel shitty about high school being done at all.
at ALL.
Current Music: death cab fer cyootie
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May 16th, 2006
08:46 pm
oh jeez.
(edit)
going to wheaton.
its kinda down the street, but sooo so nice, and cute, and has a nice english major and any sort of art major / minor (like art history) andddd i can crossregister at brown and... yay!
i drove there and bought a sweatshirt with my mommy. and they have the little plaid packaged walker shortbread cookies in the bookstore :)
Current Music: adelaide
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May 8th, 2006
04:36 pm
i am a complete mess. i think way too much about college. and regret things and then dont and then do and then think of me and AHHHH
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May 3rd, 2006
10:15 pm
i now make 7.51 an hour.
fifty ONE? i don't get it either.
but its still 26 higher than what i did make.
Current Music: diamondz ah forevahhh!
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May 1st, 2006
07:44 pm
so yeah, scratch that.
i'm going to stonehill.
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April 26th, 2006
08:22 pm
so i think i've decided to go to simmons, and i know you'll think i'm crazy, or not doing exactly what i want to but...
i've thunk it all out.
there's more to my life than 146 north, and 122 north... there's the mass pike, route 89, route 290, and south central maine. and the latter's out of my bubble. i can't stay safe forever, there's more for me to be.
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